Appreciation?

"Being told you are appreciated is one of the simplest and most incredible things you can ever hear.”

That is a quotation that popped up in my Facebook feed this week.  And at this particular moment, it resonated with me quite deeply.

I have been an active volunteer for most of my life, starting in school when I was a member of various student councils.  Most of my volunteering has happened in the town where I presently live, beginning in my children’s Play School, then Home & School, and then various town and church committees and Boards.  At times, I have become overcommitted, and at other times, I have had to take a step back because of other things happening in my life.  It’s fair to say that I have generally found my participation in community groups rewarding and fulfilling, although not always without challenges. 

I do not volunteer with the expectation that people will fall at my feet with gratitude.  I volunteer because I believe that a particular issue or cause is important, because I enjoy being involved with my community, I enjoy interacting and planning and discussing issues and ideas with other community members, and I learn about other people, perspectives and communities.

Just a couple of months ago, I resigned from two organizations with which I have been involved for several years.  In the first one, I was a Board member for about 10 years.  I was the founding Chair of two of its committees and a member of others.  I particularly  enjoyed chairing one committee; its members were a diverse mix of dynamic and creative members, and there were many invigorating discussions and exciting ideas.  It is possibly the most enriching committee I have been involved with. However, after a disturbing and insulting e-mail conversation with a fellow Board member, it became clear to me that I could no longer work within this Board, specifically with this Board member, and I offered my resignation, a painful decision.

The second resignation was from a church committee.  I have been involved with this group almost as long.  We were a small committee, but we had many discussions and ideas about issues that were important to us, and that we believed should be important dialogues within a faith community. 

Last year, the church reorganized its governance structure to get rid of traditional committees.  The church leaders believed that it would work better to have small, time-limited commitments to specific events, rather than term commitments to formal committees.  Our committee, after some discussion, decided to remain intact.  We were subsequently referred to in a written report as a  “resistant” group.  Instead of celebrating that there was at least one group of people who actually were dedicated enough to commit to regular meetings and leadership, and instead of encouraging us, uplifting us, and supporting us, the leaders considered us irritants, “resistant” to their way of doing things.  This attitude was reflected in a lack of support for the initiatives that fuelled our passions through actions such as the loss of a dedicated budget for our committee, and simple things like repeatedly not including announcements about our events in the church bulletins.  That fleeting comment in the report (which was written after I resigned) reflects the frustration and isolation that I experienced, which ultimately led me to step away from the committee, and, for the time being, from the church. 

It’s true, it is gratifying to be told that you are appreciated.  But although expressions of appreciation might have gone a small distance to making me feel as if the past 10 years of my life haven’t been a complete waste of time, as another quotation says, “talk is cheap.”  Words can be powerful, but they can also be meaningless if they are said as an afterthought,  with a lack of sincerity, or merely because it is expected.  Perhaps another popular idiom, “actions speak louder than words,” is more à propos.

Honestly, I am bitter about these two experiences.  My involvement with both of these groups was meaningful to me, and together, we accomplished a lot of good things.  It is hurtful that others did not feel the same.  I suppose in some ways, this is a cathartic post, an attempt to put my feelings into some kind of perspective.  And I don’t really have any words of wisdom to offer.  I think I feel a little bit as if a significant relationship has gone sour.  You put your energy into building a relationship with an organization (and the people in it), you work at it, invest yourself in it, but at some point, the relationship becomes damaged beyond repair, and you feel you have no choice but to walk away.

Maybe in the end, it is about hope.  Hope that the bitterness and sadness will pass, and another “relationship” will come along that will be mutually fulfilling and beneficial.  Hope that what I have learned from my past experiences, good and bad, will shape me into a better person, a better volunteer, a better committee member.  In the meantime, I am proud of and grateful for the many interesting events and discussions and ideas in which I had the privilege to share.

So after I take some time to regroup, I expect I will be back out there, and I will find other opportunities.  When I do, I think I will have a slightly different attitude.  I will be a bit more cautious and judicious about how I choose to expend my energies and with whom, certainly.  I think I will be more open and honest about frustrations, and maybe I will be less patient and less diplomatic (not sure if that’s a good thing).  Finally, I hope that I will be able to express my appreciation for the contributions that others make, certainly through words when that is appropriate, but also through my actions.